I have been living on my own since 2012 and although I love ❤️ it and value my independence it can get a bit lonely not having someone to talk to about your day and your plans, which is probably why I love Lily so much.

I moved into the place I now live when I left my marriage.   I was put in the position where I had to leave my husband for my well-being. My husband was behaving in ways that were totally against the vows we had made when we married.  We both had mental health issues, but my ex husbands behaviour had become impossible for me to tolerate.  So when I first moved here, it was a culture shock to live on my own. I would have loved to have been a mother, but given that I left my marriage in my early 40s, then went through menopause having children was not in Gods plan for my life. I realised that by being strong and leaving my marriage, I was setting a good example and role model for my nieces., to show them there are some things that no women should put up with.

The best decision I ever made was to get Lily. Her company and devotion are wonderful. Lockdown would have been very isolating without hershe’s really is an angel.

From time to time, it can be a bit lonely living on my own. I keep in touch with my family,  my brothers and my nephews and nieces by sending them good morning gifs and this blog, but I don’t see a lot of them, they are busy with their own lives, so I have become used to valuing my independence and giving Lily the best life possible.  I am blessed with having a great network of friends,  who I regularly keep in touch with. I hope that as I age, I maintain these friendships and that my family will make an effort to include me in their life, as they are my close family.

I am not complaining about my independence as it was hard fought for and won. I just wonder what the future holds for me, and I wonder where I will be five to ten years’ time. God has plans for us all. All going well. I should be moving into some better and permanent accommodation in about a year.  I look forward to this change, it should be the catalyst for big changes in my life.

The title of this post is quite deliberate on my part. Probably the most powerful written image that comes from The Beatles I have been listening 🎶 to the song  Let It Be on high rotation over the last few months.  The song 🎵 is important to me and gives aome very pertinent advice.  Let It Be.   Focus only on what you can change, and to just let go of the elements of your life, you can’t change.  I think it is the most wise advice you can give anyone who is struggling with life issues and wasting precious energy constantly worrying about things they can’t change.  Change does happen in our lives, but it happens in Gods time.  Making small positive baby steps on something you actually have the power to change is a far wiser way to spend your time,  rather than working yourself into a lather worrying about things you have no control over.  Speak words of wisdom to yourself. Let It Be.  There will be an answer.

Today, I experienced a self actualisation.   When I was young, I wanted to be an author when I grew up, and I knew I knew I wanted to live a life less ordinary .  It occurred to me now that I have achieved this.

When I was young, my idol was Helen Keller, who never let her disability dictate the success of her life.  A bit like Helen, I never let my mental illness dictate the success of my life.   I challenge the notion of what a person with mental health issues can achieve. I live independently and have some wonderful people and experiences that make up my life..

When I was young, I never visualised  myself of being married with a lot of children. I visualised myself as being independent and having a dog 🐕. I wanted to be an individual and unique.  I used to want relationships, and in my early 20s, it was the centre of a lot of attention from the opposite sex.  When I moved out of home to be independent, I experienced a lot of  attention from men who were inappropriate, to say the least.  This attention changed my view of the 🌎 world  the attention I received was from some truly awful people. I married late to someone incapable of understanding what the vows of marriage mean.  This experience has made me celibate by choice, and I do believe it makes me a far more interesting person.  It occurred to me today that I have a lot in common with my female role models, I am living a life less ordinary and feel that with my experience of life, I have a lot to offer.  I still find some members of the opposite sex very attractive. I like how Simon Baker looks, and I think Scott Aplin is probably the most attractive man I have seen in a long time. I still have eyes to notice what is attractive. I just choose not to get involved . I have some wonderful male friends and don’t take them for granted, but I am contented in saving my love for Lily and focus on my writing.  I have become the writer with the interesting life that I envisioned myself being as a child. I am confident and an individual when it comes to living my life, and I treasure the role people like Susanna and Michael have played in making me the person I am today.

As what John Lennon wrote in Beautiful Boy, “Life is what happens whilst we are busy making other plans.” We plan God Laughs..

My life seems to be a series of curve balls  that I juggle with on an ongoing basis.   I juggle well most of the time, but occasionally, I can feel the monotony of constantly juggling.   I have handled my mental health issues better these days, but I am very self-aware, and being that self-aware is one of the main balls I juggle.   I am so conscious of my mental state and know to check up with myself about the small curve balls I deal with so that they don’t becone hard to juggle. I know to be kind 😇 to myself as my first priority abd not to beat myself up for having mental health issues .  I feel well and strong and constantly check in with myself so that small things don’t become big and unmanageable.   I have asked my friends to let me know if they pick up any changes with me that I might not be aware of.   So far, so good…… I am juggling well at the moment and feel that just maybe being unwell is a thing of the past.  Again, so far, so good….. life is a meandering journey, and my personal journey certainly is the road less travelled.   I will keep you posted on my ongoing journey .