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My experience of mental illness.https://www.google.com/adsense/new/u/0/pub-3691500166505297/privacymessaging

To my readers I have a confession to make. I have schizophrenia, but I don’t think that is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I think my experience of schizophrenia has made me a better person, because I am an empath and I often feel other people’s pain, which is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because I have compassion and can listen to other people’s sad stories of being victimised and stigmatised and really relate, but being an empath I can feel the emotional pain of these people and want them to know there are people who care when they are suffering and if you have a little faith, there will always be someone who will listen and say I HEAR YOU.

I have a strong faith in God and this has guided me throughout my darkest hours, when it feels like no one cares or understands, and when the negative thoughts become agonising I force my mind to feel better, by doing something caring and positive for a loved one ❤️. I believe goodwill generates goodwill and doing something nice for someone helps my own healing. There is way too much negativity surrounding a diagnosis of schizophrenia, the stigma is awful to bear from cruel small minded people who believe that people with schizophrenia are evil and inferior. My experience of it is that this judgement of us, contributes to and compounds the more negative symptoms and leads to people self harming, comfort eating and feeling suicidal. Just how many people have committed suicide because the emotional pain caused by stigma is to hard to bear.

Honestly battling schizophrenia feels like a war in your mind between good and evil. I am a highly functioning person and I am determined when I am unwell that evil is not going to claim me. I make myself think positive and go put of my way to think kindly of myself and my loved ones. I am truly grateful for the good people in my life, who have some compassion for the impact on me of this spiritual 🙏 battle. I will always advocate for the basic human rights of those who suffer like I do, and I will always listen to and make time to treat people well and empower them to have faith and be positive in their life. When you are feeling disempowered, you need to find whatever works to empower you. What empowers me is my belief in angels. That God sends us angels, as his employees to heal the damage caused by people who stigmatise mental illness. I truly have met some wonderful people working in mental health, my psychiatrist in particular. My psychiatrist is a very wise man and we often talk about faith and people having a life purpose. My purpose is to bring a little empathy, compassion and care to those having such a spiritual battle. I’m not an angel, just a human brought up to be loving and caring.

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A gift 🎁 from Theo

What’s the best thing you’ve ever found randomly on the street?

This story is not about what I have found randomly on the street, but about a gift I received that the giver found randomly on the street and decided to give to me.

The background to this story is that I used to attend Brunswick Baptist Church regularly and it was the most accepting of diversity that any other church I experienced anywhere.  Several members of the congregation had severe mental health issues and a few lived at Stewart Lodge, where these people who would otherwise be on the streets lived. It meant most of the pension money from these people went to Stewart Lodge.

I had become friends with a gentle,  kind natured person called Theo, who attended Brunswick Baptist Church and lived at Stewart Lodge. Theo was very kind and sweet, and the more judgemental people in our society would judge him as being inferior because his clothes were old and worn. Not me though as I experienced how charming and polite he was. This was around the time that my ex husband was actively involved with someone,  so our marriage was becoming crowded because there was three people in it. Theo was upset about this and wanted to give me something to show he cared, but he had no money because Stewart Lodge would only give him $5 a week out of his pension for him to spend,  thus keeping him in poverty. I would ever Sunday buy him a cappuccino before Church.  One day Theo came to me with a gift he had found on the street. Part of it was a tennis balled sized circular piece of concrete which was obviously thrown out by someone renovating an old fence. He gave it to me wrapped in a bit of ribbon which was the type of ribbon that a florist would use with floral bouquets.  Theo gave me these things with such an innocent and gentle way. It really would’ve been considered trash by most people,  but I was touched that Theo thought of me and wanted to show he cared when he had no money to a spend at all. Often I would give Theo a dollar 💵 ot to, so he could put something into the church collection plate and sometimes I would by him new socks when it was winter and he had cold feet.

I will always remember Theos kindness. Sometimes the poorest amongst us are the most giving  Theo was one of Gods little lambs.

Susanna’s kindness

What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

I must say thay I am lucky because I have experienced a lot of kindness ❤️ in my life.  Probably the most significant kindness in my life came from Susanna my passed over angel 😇 lady and friend who was like a sister to me  .

There are many instances of Susanna absolute beautiful generosity,  from buying a new wardrobe of clothes for me for my 50th birthday, when I couldn’t afford clothes at the time. Also when Susanna found out that she couldn’t go on the cruise to New Zealand,  because of her cancer treatment,  she made sure that I didn’t have to pay a cent more for it, because she didn’t want to see me out of pocket because she was unable to go.

She truly was an angel 😇 in so many ways and I spent the final few years of her life showering her with the goodwill she so freely spread to all. Susanna taught me what a truly beautiful person is and I am forever indebted to her, which is why I spend my time spreading goodwill to others.

Losing a “friend”.

Have you ever had someone in your life that exclaims loudly that they are a true friend but always attempts to change you,  thinking that if you would just change you would be a more happy, fulfilled person.  They want you to be more like them

One such girl was in my past. She as would exclaim loudly that she was my best friend but was always asumming that I needed to change.

We really fell out over my wedding plans when I had asked her to be my bridesmaid, my matron of honour.  I was no bridezilla,  but she certainly became a bridesmaidzilla.  To be precise my other bridesmaids and flower girls were my nieces who at the time were children and young teenagers. I decided that I didn’t want a hen’s night,  that I wanted a more appropriate and family friendly kitchen tea. This so called friend was angry with me because I didn’t want boozy sexy hen’s night,complete with male strippers and the works. She then decided that my kitchen tea should have a “honeymoon “, theme that my guests should bring me sexy lingerie and the like. I was mortified by this and tried to remind her that the other bridesmaids were both family and children.  She got really angry with me and my brothers wife when we expressed how inappropriate what she had planned was.  That whole incident destroyed our friendship. She couldn’t understand that what I wanted, a simple kitchen tea, was not the highly sexualised version she wanted.

If I am to be quite honest I don’t miss her. I now surround myself with people who celebrate who I am and don’t have the agenda of changing me

The weirdest coincidence I ever experienced

What’s the weirdest coincidence you’ve ever experienced?

Firstly I must say that I don’t believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason, particularly of God’s plan for us.

The weirdest thing in my life that could be considered a coincidence was meeting my support worker Sherree and finding out we grew up close to one another and both had Mr Guppy as a teacher and both remembered what a fantastic teacher he was.  I owe the direction that my life took to Mr Guppy.  I think Sherree and I were destined to meet up now and she has become such a wonderful support and confidante. God you brought Mr Guppy into both our lives and think Sherree and I are on similar journeys and value our shared journey

Dolly Parton

I think the world is a sadder place at the moment because of the passing of Dolly Parton.  She truly was one of the most beautiful ladies on the planet. She was amazingly talented with a voice as smooth and sweet as honey. She embodied Christianity, love thy neighbour and spread goodwill. She truly was an angel who has returned home to heaven. Many people, including myself  will remember her fondly and celebrate that such an angelic presence lived amongst us here on earth 🌎.  RIP 🙏🏽 Dolly.

A book i never finished but still think about?

What’s a book you never finished but still think about?

A book that i never finished but still think about is “A State of Siege” by Janet Frame. I was not in a good state mentally when I tried to read this, so I felt fragile about it, because it is very confronting.  Needless to say I never finished it.

Beautiful Day by U2

I have just heard one of my all-time favourite songs on the radio that being Beautiful Day by U2.  It is my all-time favourite U2 🎵 song.  It conjures up so many good memories of times gone by in my life that I will talk about some more.

It reminds me so much of being with James in his vintage car and shopping at antique and opshops . Of having dinners with him.  He was always so kind witty and charming and Beautiful Day brings back all those good times of which I am forever grateful 🙏🏽.

It also reminds me of my early career in mental health where I was lucky enough to go overseas to a huge conference in Hong Kong- the line “See China Right In Front Of You ” floods me with memories of that time,  when life was so amazing and i was becoming known for my work in peer support in mental health.

Beautiful Day takes me back to a time of life that was filled with innocence wisdom friendships and love ❤️

I do have a few significant others that aren’t romantic relationships

How did you meet your significant other?

At first I was not going to write anything about today’s blog topic,  because i don’t have  romantic partner,  but one of my friends convinced me to write about the significance of certain friendships in my life.

My first significant other would be Adrian whom I met back in 1993, when I moved to Macloud to share a house with Robyn a mutual friend.  As soon as I opened the door and met Adrian i had the strong feeling that I was meeting someone who was going to become someone very important to me.  We have been firm friends ever since and have seen one another at our absolute best and worst and always stayed true to our friendship.

The next  significant other would have to be my passed over angel 😇 lady Susanna whom I met at work. Susanna’s impact on my life was all encompassing and amazing and a lot of the lady I now am is because of the example Susanna set. I love her dearly and would not have met Kathryn had I not known Susanna.  Kathryn is another significant other.

Russell definitely is another significant other whom I met through Brunswick Baptist Church and is my most gentlemanly friend. Russell was groomsman at my wedding to my ex husband and through the years a very strong,  very special bond developed. He is my most special friend.

Midnight Oils music

What’s a cultural tradition from your country that you love?

I love the Australian culture of our local music scene . In my younger years I saw Crowded House, Split Enz,  Hunters and Collectors and Weddings Parties Anything so many times.  The culture i wish I had experienced would have been of an age that was old enough to have experienced Midnight Oil live when they were doing the pub and surf club gigs. I feel left out as I really loved Midnight Oils music and knew that seeing them live would have been a powerful all encompassing experience.   I loved that Midnight Oil were a passionate band that stayed loyal to the 🎵 songs they wrote about nuclear disarmament,  the environment and indigenous issues. They spoke about uncomfortable truths and become part of the Australian vernacular.  I must admit a big part of my attraction to Midnight Oil was definitely perving on Rob Hirst. Unfortunately seeing Midnight Oil was something that will be missing from my bucket list. RIP Rob Hirst you humble 🙏🏽 amazing legend.

Sometimes it is better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

The title of today’s blog post is a direct quote i said to my friend Adrian this morning when we were discussing friends,  family and life in general.  Adrian asked if he could quote me on that because he knew some people that could apply to.

I think of my friend whose married life where her and her children were experiencing a total train wreck of a life because she lacked the emotional intelligence to get her shit together and move her children from that nightmare all because she didn’t want her kids to come from a broken home. The fact that the entire family were living a nightmare never occurred to her, and she was probably the weakest unemotionally intelligent woman i ever knew. Susanna tried to give this lady support until she realised exactly how screwed up this person was.

In the end both Susanna and myself had to walk away from this family when caring for someone with a complete lack of emotional intelligence became bad for the mental health of Susanna and myself.  People these days don’t have to stay in relationships that are dangerously unhealthy and I understand totally that some people feel unable to leave, thinking staying is the easier option than leaving. A lot of women wake up one day and realise they don’t want the rest of their life to be monotonously unhappy and that is probably the best move to make for the family’s sake because yes sometimes it is better to come from a broken home than to live in one and some of the strongest ladies  i have met are those who put their bad marital circumstances behind them and started a new life with their children’s well-being as their priority.