As a lot of my readers would know I live in a particularly nice neighbourhood here on the outskirts of Melbourne. Today I want to write about a special lady called Val.

I befriended Val when I first moved here just under ten years ago and she has become a special lady in my life, and an even more special lady for my dear little cavoodle Lily.

At first when I met Val it didn’t take me long to find out she was a widow, whom seemed to have a sad side to her. I was also quick to discover that Val was a dog lover 💖🐶 who had two little Shitzu crosses that she doted on. Unfortunately these dogs 🐕 became ill and had to be put down about a year before we first went into covid lockdown. Val was sad and very lonely without her loving ❤️ companions, and us neighbours, were sad for Val and really had a lot of empathy for her grief. My little dog 🐕 💙 Lily, just adores Val and gets excited when we pass Val’s house on our daily 🚶‍♀️ walks. Val knows all the dogs in the neighbourhood, and all the dogs and their owners know Val. Val is often seen at her front gate, showing ❤️ love and joy to all the dogs 🐕 that pass her house. She is very well known to all the locals as a kind, gentle dog lover.

Val had always seen a bit sad to me and I always prayed that she would find 🙏 some happiness in life. Well I can tell you she has. Recently Val started to date a man and has fallen head over heels 👠 in love. Val has sold her house and is buying a lovely home with her partner.

It won’t be the same in our neighbourhood with Val gone, and I know she will be greatly missed by both dogs and owners alike. I know Lily will miss her immensely but I am just so happy for Val. Val deserves this good karma in her life. Perhaps all the local little canines wished happiness for Val too, because she is the happiest 💕 I have ever seen her, and after her grief she is just so deserved of this happiness.

I’m quite sure all the neighbourhood dogs 🐕 would agree.

I normally write my blog with a positive focus or I will normally write about my loved one’s and the people whom inspire and empower me. This time I have a confession to make. Many of my readers will know that I have experienced mental health issues, but to date I have not confessed what my condition is.

I have schizophrenia. I don’t call myself a schizophrenic because I am a person with a condition, and reject labelling. I am well and highly functioning ninety nine percent of the time. Sometimes in life, when life throws me extremely stressful curve balls, I experience a relapse of my symptoms. This may happen every 5 to 10 years or so. As I say I manage to keep well and highly functioning the majority of the time in my life. I have the right sort of support from the professionals in my life, whom I know are the experts, my psychiatrist, my gp and my social worker. They are all on the ball and know what I am like when I become unwell. They all tell me I do exceptionally well.

Have I ever experienced judgement and stigma.? Yes of course I have, but never from true friends or those professionals supporting me. The stigma that I have learned to live with , comes from some family members. It can be more damaging and more persuasive given that it is my family. I only now feel strong enough to blog about this because one of my friends is currently experiencing mental health issues and is in hospital, which my family don’t believe, because she is a qualified doctor. Some of my family are voicing disbelief, because in their mind doctor’s can’t be mentally unwell. This friend and I have been supportive to one another over many years, and she is quite an amazing woman. She is highly functioning and great at multitasking, and yes, she has experienced a relapse of her mental health concerns. My family believe that only certain types of people have mental health issues, they can’t see or don’t want to see that it can happen to anyone, and their judgement and stigmatisation causes me emotional suffering and pain, and helps when I am stressed to become unwell again.

I am energised by my doctor friend becoming unwell to talk about judgement and stigma, because she too experiences it and still manages to be a good gp, good wife and mother and friend. She has experienced the same sort of stigma as me, and I would say she is a fellow survivor. I think both of us would like to stand up and speak out about what mental health issues really are, how they manifest and how to best live with them. I may never be able to change my family, but I can love and gratefully accept the support of both wonderful friends and professionals who light the way and make my journey easier, more interesting and fulfilling.

Now that I have confessed about my mental health condition, I will write ✍️ more about the interesting experiences and people whom have made my journey all the more interesting and will talk of what I have learned from the more challenging times.

I have a lot to be happy about and grateful for. Living with schizophrenia has taken my life down a very windy, overgrown path, that I would not have otherwise have experienced. The trick is not to let it define you…… there is so much more to life than a diagnosis.

Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, that is what I believe to be true.

The old saying is just that everyone does come for a reason, and some come only for a season, and some will stay with us forever more. We treasure those especially those who stay forever more.

My experience is that even the death of a loved one, does not mean that loving bond ends there. The people whom we really have loved are with us in spirit for eternity.

Sometimes the people we love, turn out to only be with us for a season, and it can be painful for us, and break our hearts 💕 when for no apparent reason that season in our lives comes to an end. We are left hanging, feeling hurt and betrayed that these people have left our lives, and want to move on. It is a different sort of grief we feel to when a loved one passes away. We still want the relationship to continue, but the other person doesn’t. That is what true heartache is.

Susanna may have passed away, but I feel her positive, angelic presence around me all the time. When I think of her, it is with love, happiness and gratitude . When friendships end in other ways, it can be harder to deal with and it takes awhile for the hurt and shock to disappear. It is at these times that our faith is truly tested. If these people have only stayed for a season, there was obviously a lesson to be learned that our higher spiritual self needed to learn. It is at this time that we need to have faith in God, as when one door closes another one opens and god never wants us to feel hurt in the long term 🙏. He will supply us with new people and new experiences and as we learn from past hurts we grow. Remember that some seasons last a long time and can be enriching. If the season was only short, perhaps it was meant to be that way, a longer season may have only caused us pain in the end.

Do what Susanna taught me in life, be an angel whom Chases Rainbows and doesn’t let the thunder and lightning get to you because it is only temporary after all.

As John Lennon famously said in his song Beautiful Boy that ” Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans”.

God recently has given me some topsy turvy events that has made me consider the cycle of life, and to cherish every part of the cycle.

As I have been grieving the loss of Susanna, my family have been rejoicing in the birth of my great niece Evelyn. Evelyn is my first grand nibling and I am ecstatic that I have her in my life. Having no children of my own made my nieces and nephews all the more significant in my life.

Literally on the day Evelyn was born I was dealing with the fact that Susanna was in palliative care. The absolute last text that Susanna had sent to me was expressing how beautiful Evelyn was. I was experiencing conflicting emotions, shedding tears of sadness for Susanna and tears of absolutely 💯 joy for Grace and Chris at the birth of Evelyn. It was such a different phenomenon to experience such contrasting feelings, and it was all encompassing in how deeply I felt those emotions.

Now I am grieving the loss of Susanna and really excited that I get to meet Evelyn tomorrow. Again very contrasting feelings.

All these recent experiences have shown me that we must treasure 🤑 the whole range of the cycles of life. God wants us to feel joy at the creation of new life, cherish each milestone as we grow and feel love ❤️ for those whom are at the end of life’s cycle. As I age I reflect upon my own life, and what I have gained on my journey and I would not change anything I have experienced along the way. Life is all about the journey and constant change and renewal. My recent experiences with Susanna and Evelyn have shown me the rich tapestry of life that God is weaving with me, and I feel that my journey is enriched with love ❤️ and goodwill. I didn’t choose my path, God chooses it with me. Sure I may have plans of my own, but God has plans 🙏 for me that I am beginning to better understand and appreciate 🙏. I know in my future that I will be reunited with Susanna, I also know that Evelyn will have a life surrounded with ❤️ love. It is all part of Gods plan.

I have always had a belief in God and know he is with us at all times and particularly the more challenging 🙏 times. My faith was tested recently with the passing of Susanna as I initially battled with my faith, as I struggled to see God at work with that.

I have now come to a sense of peace and acceptance and I know God has made a place for Susanna up in heaven. I feel Susannas presence very strongly and know she is an angelic presence by my side forever more. A big part of the grieving process is acceptance and there always is a silver lining in every cloud.

Some beautiful things have happened recently about Susanna. Making friends with Kathryn has been lovely and we support one another on our journey of grief and faith. I now also keep in touch with Susannas daughter Rebekah and that has been a lovely connection to make. Susanna has been such an important influence on my life and so I feel a connection to her family and want to stay in touch with them.

If we look for it there is always examples of God at work in our lives . God certainly has brought some wonderful people and experiences in my life, so many small examples, that could not be coincidence 🙏. He has never given me anything that was so challenging that I didn’t learn from and learn how to manage. I include my mental health issues as something challenging, but ultimately something that helped me to learn, change and become a better more faith centred person on an interesting journey of life. My mental health issues have not been the worst thing I have endured, not even the stigma associated with mental health issues has been the worst. Being judged because of my mental health issues has been challenging and frustrating at times, but ultimately the experience of being judged, says so much more about those whom judged me, and their journey of life, than what it says about my own journey. Some people fail to see the 🎁 gift in every life experience and instead of learning and growing in their faith look to judge God as the reason for their troubles in life.

God is love. God has mercy. If we look for the good in every life experience we will find it. If I am honest I know Susanna well enough to say she looked for and found the good in everything. She would want me to do the same, and frankly I am blessed to have had someone in my life, that lived life so beautifully 😍. I plan to honour her life, by being as faithful and assured of Gods plan for all of us. Just like Susanna I plan on being his faithful servant forever more.

I must be doing something right to have you in my life. You truly are a wonderful friend and a kind and gracious soul. Susanna and I both believe you to be an angel, there is certainly something otherworldly about you presence. You exude peace and goodwill. You certainly are the silver lining in the cloud of my life. I thank God that I met you. Kind, compassionate and gentle to a fault. Before I met you, I had never met such an unassuming gentleman, I assumed they only existed in novels of fiction. I know I met you for a reason, and I can no longer imagine my life without your kindness and graciousness. You are one in a million Russell and I am blessed and all the better a person 🙏 for knowing you. I wish only happiness for you, my best friend.

With trusting eyes and a loving soul. She watches me , A face so cute, With just a look she expresses knowledge and wisdom, Verbal communication is not necessary, she shows me deep love, affectionately licking my face, like a small child reigns kisses on their Mum, I am her world, the human she owns. I love her more than life itself. She brings rainbows 🌈 of joy to my everyday life. Protective to a fault. If she doesn’t like someone I know to be wary. She is a good judge of positive energy and vibes. She is constantly at my side, my most faithful little friend. My dear little Lily.

Susanna taught and enriched my life in so many ways and the greatest lesson I learned from her was to receive good graciously.

I had always been a kind and loving person, but my past experience in life had made me feel unworthy of accepting generosity in my life. I had been receiving messages from my loved ones, that because I had mental health issues, that that meant that I was a bad person whom was unworthy in many ways. Yes, I worked in mental health and helped so many others with their self worth and self esteem, but was damaged in my own sense of self worth. Susanna gently peeled back the layers of damaged self esteem, like one peels back the layers of an onion. Initially when I first knew Susanna I was married and everytime I would see Susanna she would give me a hamper of groceries. These groceries were luxury itwms that I would not have otherwise been able to afford.

Susannas generosity towards me continued over the years . Sometimes she would take me clothes shopping and the clothes she bought for me are my absolute favourite in my wardrobe.

She was also generous of spirit and her wise, loving nature has healed my self esteem. I now know my own worth and I am so grateful 🙏 for her impact on my life. The generosity wasn’t one sided. Susanna and I both loved forties and fifties style vintage clothing. I had bought an expensive replica of a beautiful forties style 👗 dress. It didn’t fit me properly, but I knew Susanna would love it. She sure looked so beautiful in it . She bought me a beautiful dress for Christmas just passed and it is lovely and my favourite. When Susanna was unable to go on the cruise 🛳 we had booked, I bought her a piece of jewellery from every place we visited in New Zealand. I always hoped that Susanna would go into remission and we would be able to take that cruise again, that she would be well enough to tour with me.

As I reminense about Susanna, I realise how special our friendship was, how loving, gracious and empowering we were to one another.

My very first memory of Susanna is vivid and I remember it as if it were last week not 11 or 12 years ago.

Susanna and I met whilst working at the same place a community welfare organisation that no longer exists.

The day I met her all the community support workers were setting up on Friday afternoon for a launch function on the Monday. It was the middle of winter and it was very 🥶 cold and very wet.

My first glimpse of Susanna was that she was happy go lucky and seemed to be a good fit to be working with an Italian Women’s Group.

Susanna as always was 👗 dressed in a very femine manner. She was wearing a jumper, with a long denim skirt and flat heeled boots. She looked very warm and very appropriate. Obviously not everyone shared my view on Susannas style of dress. A support worker who shall remain nameless, looked at Susanna and told her that she was 👗 dressed like she was going to a party and not like she was dressed for work. I heard that comment and nearly chocked, because I too often came to work in skirts or dresses.

As always Susanna looked beautiful. She had style and grace and always looked appropriate. We were social workers after all, not trades working on the tools.

I was proud of Susanna that day, because she just laughed at that inappropriate comment and continued to dress like a lady at work. We were role models after all, for our clients and Susanna always modelled looking good for your own self worth and self esteem.

This was my first introduction to the person I would come to call my angel lady. She really did have style and grace.

In Life we need to keep up feeling positive and to see the good in every situation we encounter along our twisting, turning overgrown pathway Life will always throw us curve balls and it is how we deal with this that makes our journey all the more richer and worthwhile. As I have said before there is a silver lining in every cloud.

My friendship with Kathryn continues to blossom and I am truly grateful that I have her to reminense about Susanna. Being able to laugh and cry with soneone is important as you go through the stages of grief 😔.

Some days are easier than others and I have decided to use my writing ✍️ skills to make a tribute book about Susanna of Kathryn’s and mine reminisces and anecdotes to give to Susannas family. I feel so right and empowered in deciding to write ✍️ this tribute, and I thank Pat for making the suggestion to me. I feel like this is something special that only myself and Kathryn can give to Susannas family.

I will continue to ✍️ write my blog and will include these snippets of anecdotes in my blog along the way. I will continue to keep my blog positive and encouraging. I’ll keep you 📫 posted on my progress.

Susannas story will be a 🎁 gift in this day and age, I think a lot of people would appreciate her wisdom and generosity of spirit. To my readers take care and God Bless you 🙏 ❤️.

The best is yet to come……..